I am exhausted!!!
Today has been a hard day. Such emotional highs and lows.
Today was my first day on the stage with the praise team. How exciting :) It was wonderful to lead out in worship and to hear a choir of worshipers behind me and in front of me! Such a piece of what Heaven will be.
Tonight was our Tell The World Live Cd recording. WHAT A TIME OF WORSHIP it was!!! I think the most awesome thing was the prayer time we as a team had before the night began. We gathered and let the Spirit lead our prayers and..MAN...did God show up! I saw so many people offer themselves to the Lord in worship and it was an unbelievable sight.
But...I was in the midst of a battle. The enemy was all over me. I've been fighting him all day. And I'm tired. I'm broken. I want to give up. I had to sacrifice to worship tonight because my heart just wasn't in it. After the concert, I fell to pieces. I had no more strength to fight.
And God stepped in.
In the form of loved ones and friends, God met me at the alter of brokenness. When I had no words, He spoke through my dear prayer partner. I laid on my face before Him and just let Him speak love to me through her prayers. I wept. I surrendered. I was comforted and strengthened. I got business done and claimed victory!!
I heard her words...how I am faithfully searching after God and that the enemy is furious and choosing to attack me in this way, how Satan will NOT have this family, how the battle is the Lord's NOT mine.
I receive the suffering because I know that it is because I've made the enemy so stinkin mad that he can't stand it. I also know that these sufferings are God's refining of me. The end result of refinement is a diamond. A beautiful, brilliant diamond. It takes A LOT of pressing to make a diamond. God is squeezing me to make me beautiful.
Is the battle over? Not by any means. But I can face it today...because He loves me.
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Thursday, March 11, 2010
I don't need your attitude...I've got my own!
Don't you just love it when the enemy attacks? I'm being sooo sarcastic right now. He takes us at a weak moment and chooses to entice those things in our life to rear their ugly heads. Well...last night he did it to me.
This is an honest blog...so I am going to be honest.
During choir practice, we were practicing "I Will Rise" by Chris Tomlin. It was hard for me because I last sang that at Grandy's funeral 2 months ago. In the middle of the song, I burst into tears. I guess I just finally grieved his loss and I could so imagine him singing his sweet heart out with his great big smile at the feet of Jesus. It was a "moment" for me...one I'll always remember. I had to just close my eyes, cry and praise my Lord.
After practice, we have Praise Team rehearsal. My emotions were still raw. I sat down and saw that we would be practicing a new song that we would sing as a praise team special. It is one of my favorite songs of all time and one I and Steve (my brother) had hoped to sing together. He'd even talked to our Worship Leader about it. And the enemy attacked.
My attitude went sour and I began to voice it to some of the other members. I am so ashamed of this now. God was ALL OVER ME about it. In my quiet time this morning, I really felt broken and guilty of tearing down other believers.
So...I confessed my sin, claimed His forgiveness, defied the enemy and prayed for unity.
God once again showed me that it's not about me! It's about Him and His glory!! I'm just a vessel. A broken one with lots of holes. But it's through those holes that His glory shines through. There is nothing good in me...but Him. Thank you, Jesus!!!!!
"Watch the way you talk. Let nothing foul or dirty come out of your mouth. Say only what helps, each word a gift." Eph 4:29- The Message
This is an honest blog...so I am going to be honest.
During choir practice, we were practicing "I Will Rise" by Chris Tomlin. It was hard for me because I last sang that at Grandy's funeral 2 months ago. In the middle of the song, I burst into tears. I guess I just finally grieved his loss and I could so imagine him singing his sweet heart out with his great big smile at the feet of Jesus. It was a "moment" for me...one I'll always remember. I had to just close my eyes, cry and praise my Lord.
After practice, we have Praise Team rehearsal. My emotions were still raw. I sat down and saw that we would be practicing a new song that we would sing as a praise team special. It is one of my favorite songs of all time and one I and Steve (my brother) had hoped to sing together. He'd even talked to our Worship Leader about it. And the enemy attacked.
My attitude went sour and I began to voice it to some of the other members. I am so ashamed of this now. God was ALL OVER ME about it. In my quiet time this morning, I really felt broken and guilty of tearing down other believers.
So...I confessed my sin, claimed His forgiveness, defied the enemy and prayed for unity.
God once again showed me that it's not about me! It's about Him and His glory!! I'm just a vessel. A broken one with lots of holes. But it's through those holes that His glory shines through. There is nothing good in me...but Him. Thank you, Jesus!!!!!
"Watch the way you talk. Let nothing foul or dirty come out of your mouth. Say only what helps, each word a gift." Eph 4:29- The Message
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Answered Prayer
Sorry...it's been a long time since I've blogged. I don't know why. I've been prompted to many times.
What has God been doing in my life these days, you ask? Well...let me tell you :)
Our holidays were wonderful and hectic. That's usual! It was our last Christmas with my Granddaddy. He went home to be with Jesus the first week of January. It was such a blessing for me to help care for him in the end days of his life here on earth. He was always so gracious and kind and it was such a small gift to give him for all his years of service to others. He left this earth peacefully and walked into the arms of his Savior with no regrets. How many of us can say that? I am amazed at the peace that filled the room that day. It was the same when my Grandma went home to be with the Lord. Just a sense of right. I praise God for all the sweet moments in those last days.
In February, the enemy has a field day with my family. Greg is working 12 hour night shifts and his presence at home is sorely missed. That leaves me to be mom, taxi, cook, cleaner, and disciplinarian. To three very vibrant boys, that can be very tiring. I feel the load every day, but trust that God will be my strength and patience. We are believing that God will change his hours, but I know that God is teaching Greg through this time and he needs to be still long enough to hear God's instruction and direction before He will move him on.
At the beginning of February, I had a parent/teacher conference with Luke's teacher. He has been struggling all year with behavior in school. Not bad behavior, but 5 year old boy behavior. At this particular meeting, the idea was thrown at me that we should have him tested for ADHD. Needess to say, I was appalled!!!! Not that ADHD is a horrible thing or anything, but I know that Luke does not have it. He is just a young 5 yr old who needs a little bit of prodding to do what he needs to do.
Greg and I prayed over what to do...a lot. We feel like God was leading us to bring Luke home for the rest of the year and then start Kindergarten again next year. So, next year, Luke and Christian both will go to Mission Road Elem. We are at peace with this decision and feel that it is God's will.
There....done with the update on the happenings of the Abell's :) Now...on to what God is teaching me.
Where to begin...
I guess the thing that stands out in my life right now is what He is doing in the lives of people in my life that I have been praying for. God is teaching me such humility and mercy in praying for these dear people. I've seen lost souls come to Christ, rebellious believers come back to the Lord, broken lives mended, bound hearts set free, attacks of the enemy thwarted, changes in attitudes and behaviors. I am at a loss for words each time someone I've been intercessing for tells me where God is moving in their lives. Some know that I am praying for them...and some don't. What I've learned is this...God hears the prayers of his children when they are humble and fervent and broken before Him. He hears EVERY cry! Even when we don't have the words, the Holy Spirit speaks on our behalf!! How awesome is that?!
How does this affect me? It takes me to my knees more. It amazes me that the God of this whole immense universe listens to the petitions of a worthless sinner like me. He gives me worth. He gives me purpose. He desires that communication with me! Oh how he loves me!!
We just finished a Bible Study with a wonderful woman of God, Nancy Dempsey. I learned to much about the sanctification process and the areas of my life where I thought I was alone, but looking back, God was always there. The last day of the last week, God spoke. I'd been waiting for 6 weeks to hear from Him and was patiently waiting. Then...there is was. Like a hammer to the heart. He gave me a vision of leading a Bible Study in my neighborhood. Me!? Are you crazy?! Immediately the enemy began his lies...no one will come, what if some crazy person comes, you might have people who no one else likes in your home. I blocked those darts and prayed that God show me the how and when.
I am very excited to begin this journey with God. I am beyond humbled that He wants to use me to reach the women in this neighborhood. I am STOKED to be starting a mentoring program with Age to Age and Nancy Dempsey!!!! I am resting in Him and know He will complete this in my life.
Here is my verse for the day:
"God can do anything, you know—far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, his Spirit deeply and gently within us." Eph. 3:20- The Message
What has God been doing in my life these days, you ask? Well...let me tell you :)
Our holidays were wonderful and hectic. That's usual! It was our last Christmas with my Granddaddy. He went home to be with Jesus the first week of January. It was such a blessing for me to help care for him in the end days of his life here on earth. He was always so gracious and kind and it was such a small gift to give him for all his years of service to others. He left this earth peacefully and walked into the arms of his Savior with no regrets. How many of us can say that? I am amazed at the peace that filled the room that day. It was the same when my Grandma went home to be with the Lord. Just a sense of right. I praise God for all the sweet moments in those last days.
In February, the enemy has a field day with my family. Greg is working 12 hour night shifts and his presence at home is sorely missed. That leaves me to be mom, taxi, cook, cleaner, and disciplinarian. To three very vibrant boys, that can be very tiring. I feel the load every day, but trust that God will be my strength and patience. We are believing that God will change his hours, but I know that God is teaching Greg through this time and he needs to be still long enough to hear God's instruction and direction before He will move him on.
At the beginning of February, I had a parent/teacher conference with Luke's teacher. He has been struggling all year with behavior in school. Not bad behavior, but 5 year old boy behavior. At this particular meeting, the idea was thrown at me that we should have him tested for ADHD. Needess to say, I was appalled!!!! Not that ADHD is a horrible thing or anything, but I know that Luke does not have it. He is just a young 5 yr old who needs a little bit of prodding to do what he needs to do.
Greg and I prayed over what to do...a lot. We feel like God was leading us to bring Luke home for the rest of the year and then start Kindergarten again next year. So, next year, Luke and Christian both will go to Mission Road Elem. We are at peace with this decision and feel that it is God's will.
There....done with the update on the happenings of the Abell's :) Now...on to what God is teaching me.
Where to begin...
I guess the thing that stands out in my life right now is what He is doing in the lives of people in my life that I have been praying for. God is teaching me such humility and mercy in praying for these dear people. I've seen lost souls come to Christ, rebellious believers come back to the Lord, broken lives mended, bound hearts set free, attacks of the enemy thwarted, changes in attitudes and behaviors. I am at a loss for words each time someone I've been intercessing for tells me where God is moving in their lives. Some know that I am praying for them...and some don't. What I've learned is this...God hears the prayers of his children when they are humble and fervent and broken before Him. He hears EVERY cry! Even when we don't have the words, the Holy Spirit speaks on our behalf!! How awesome is that?!
How does this affect me? It takes me to my knees more. It amazes me that the God of this whole immense universe listens to the petitions of a worthless sinner like me. He gives me worth. He gives me purpose. He desires that communication with me! Oh how he loves me!!
We just finished a Bible Study with a wonderful woman of God, Nancy Dempsey. I learned to much about the sanctification process and the areas of my life where I thought I was alone, but looking back, God was always there. The last day of the last week, God spoke. I'd been waiting for 6 weeks to hear from Him and was patiently waiting. Then...there is was. Like a hammer to the heart. He gave me a vision of leading a Bible Study in my neighborhood. Me!? Are you crazy?! Immediately the enemy began his lies...no one will come, what if some crazy person comes, you might have people who no one else likes in your home. I blocked those darts and prayed that God show me the how and when.
I am very excited to begin this journey with God. I am beyond humbled that He wants to use me to reach the women in this neighborhood. I am STOKED to be starting a mentoring program with Age to Age and Nancy Dempsey!!!! I am resting in Him and know He will complete this in my life.
Here is my verse for the day:
"God can do anything, you know—far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, his Spirit deeply and gently within us." Eph. 3:20- The Message
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